In loving memory of Ayaka

I thought i would visit u after I get some omiyage for you from singapore. I actually dread going back to see all the familiar places with memories of you all over orchard shopping together.

I finally saw you again last night.

Had a strange dream when your mom asked us to go to your house. & suddenly, you appeared, only to me, aas pretty as ever, and showed me your bedroom. I felt so happy to see you, despite knowing it was only your spirit, and i felt so so so happy to have you show me your room. Things seemed to have been left untouched; unfortunately, you encouraged me to open your wardrobe, your drawers. When I pulled open your drawers, I saw leftover chicken drumsticks.  & I wondered, why haven’t they decayed?

After I walked away from that drawer, I realised something sticky was on my elbow. I looked down and saw 2 tiny maggots.  I turned in shock to you and you were gone.

I could only wake up.

i saw the picture of your grave. it’s so .. wrong. You’re not gray. 

If I was able to choose, it would be white & your colourful scarf with floral prints would be draped around it.

郷さん、今どこにいる？

寂しいですよ。

ほとんど毎日理由なく泣いてる・・今どこにいるの？！

今何でも一人でやってる・・ジム行く時、ヨガのクラスでも一人で、話したい時郷さんがいない・・走ってる時の笑い話でもできない。隣のマシンのおばちゃんとおじちゃんが怖そう。

こちらでがんばって生きてますが、つらいですよ。郷さんがいないのはとても辛いですよ。もうすぐ3カ月ですが・・i really miss you.

your grave stone is almost ready..

I saw a lady driving past who looked like you, i felt a jolt inside, looked again, but she drove away too quickly. what was that?