Thank you for the wonderful weekend.

We were having lunch at Burp, and I had asked you out for a movie, but you said you had plans for the weekend. You did say that you had made plans to watch Slumdog millionaire with Yukikoyo & Tei-san.. but that plan ended up never to be fulfilled.

I miss your laughter and our chats and our gym sessions. After hot yoga at Millenia Walk on Saturday mornings, we would just laze around at the gym’s drinking area and read magazines until we felt well enough to walk to the shower room. After that, it would be heading to Orchard on bus 36 and then lunch and an afternoon of chilling at starbucks outside Pacific Plaza. It was our routine, and you would read me funny bits in your book throughout the day.

I can’t bring myself to initiate contact with your family, even though I do think of them sometimes. How are you, Ayaka’s mom? Is there room for such a question? What would the answer be? “I’m still living my life, but my daughter is gone.. How do you think I am?” I am still feeling alot of guilt, for not having been keeping up with you at your last moments, perhaps things might have not been the same?

whenever i see the Merlion tower nowadays, I always remember you telling me – ” it looks scary don’t you think?” and I was having the same thought at the exact moment. How strange life is; words that are just meaningless remarks actually stick with you when you recall the exact moments.

I hope you are well and looking over us wherever you  are.  あなたの分も活きてるよ。

I talk to you sometimes, in my head, when I have no one to talk to. I think about one of the last few times we ate ice cream together at B&J Raffles City alot, where you made a silly face to let me take  a picture of you for my phone’s contact photo. Where you listened to my confession of yet another mistake I made.

I miss you. I miss our silly girl talk in the gym after showering.

Everything seems to be going wrong lately. Do you know?

I had a horrible nightmare last night. I was sick with fright that I might have lost someone else when i woke up this morning.

I don’t anyone of us has healed yet.

How are you?

最近どこでもあのCaterpillarのデザインのものを見ちゃって、郷さんのことどこでも考えなきゃ。

人生相談の相手いないよ、郷さんがいないと。今私の人生いろいろがあり、郷さんに言いたいですが、郷さんは聞いてるかなぁ？まだ迷ってる・・郷さんしかわからないことたくさんあって、今郷さんがいないと本当に誰にも言えない・・

i miss you.

I think of her every yoga class. At the end of the class, during the meditation time, I would lie down, close my eyes and see Ayaka & me giggling during one of the first few classes at Fitness First, when one girl just laid there having really fallen asleep during the meditation after the class. The lights were switched on & she continued sleeping there; and we were chuckling & wondering if she really fell asleep.

i saw you in one of my dreams last month. You had bought a new dress & asked me how it looked; I was overwhelmed by many people trying to talk to me at the same time & asked you to wait while I cleared the other people first. by the time I got back to you, you weren’t there anymore. exactly what happened in real life. i’m sorry. I wanted to tell you the dress looks great, exactly your style & I missed seeing you around.

This shouldn’t be affecting me now it’s almost been a year but it is. I can’t help the tears rolling down my cheeks as I write this to you now.

It was a dream about the sea, there was all sorts of talk about diving.

I miss you. I thought that if I could continue to sleep I could continue to talk to you but you went away..

I didn’t know what to say to you. I could only help clean up and wash up and leave some flowers and convey everyone’s thoughts & light you some candles & incense.

even though it’s a little out of the way, I think I can visit you when I’ve time.